


40 Miles Apart

by ineffabledaniel



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Sad Dan Howell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-19 01:42:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15499524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineffabledaniel/pseuds/ineffabledaniel
Summary: “Forever, right?” Dan asked nervously.“Forever.” Phil agreed.Forever in the dictionary means for all of future time; always in the dictionary.Obviously, the translation got lost in time. That must be why they’re here. Well, 40 miles apart.





	40 Miles Apart

**Author's Note:**

> My second fic!! I hope you enjoy!

_ “Forever, right?” Dan asked nervously. _

_ “Forever.” Phil agreed. _

 

Forever in the dictionary means for all of future time; always in the dictionary.

Obviously, the translation got lost in time. That must be why they’re here. Well, 40 miles apart.

 

2012 brought the drama.

2012 brought the sadness.

2012 brought the anger.

2012 brought the breakup.

 

Neither Dan or Phil saw it coming. It started with Dan’s depression, his decrease in mood. Then came in the pressures of their fanbase. The whining, the stalking, the forcing. It never stopped. It didn’t take Dan  _ too _ long to be fed up, to have had enough, to have  _ snapped _ .

It was no lie anyway that Dan’s anger was a problem. He’d get worked up and frustrated over dropping a spoon, for heaven's sake.

This though, this was worse. He’d scream at Phil, tears in his eyes as he tried to put some form of blame on Phil to try make himself feel better.

 

_ “Maybe if you didn’t sit so fucking close to me in videos they wouldn’t assume we were together!” He’d shout. _

 

Doors were often slammed in anger. What used to be their shared bed turned into just Phil’s. Dan slept in the room they called his for videos. The beds were cold, nights were always the worst because Dan was alone to think of his actions. He hated what he was doing but anger always outweighed any positive emotion he had.

 

One morning, in July after moving to London, things were their worst.

 

_ Dan walked into the lounge Phil was in. Phil was happily scrolling through tumblr,  Dan though, was raging. He’d been too deep on twitter, seeing people assuming he was gay, or making up theories and he couldn’t contain his upset. _

_ “Phil what the fuck are we doing?” He muttered, shaking his head _

_ Phil looked up, gulping at the site of his boyfriend already upset. “Uh, what- What do you mean?” He asked, a tad confused really. _

_ “You know!” _

_ “No… I really don’t.” _

_ Dan’s frustration brewed, clenching his fists. He kicked the table chair beside him which almost flipped at the impact. This caused Phil to become more concerned, he hated to see Dan hurt, angry, anything bad. He just wanted him to be okay. _

_ “Dan, bear, calm down.” Phil whispered, trying to use the pet name from way back when they first met. It seemed to be an instant ‘calm down and think for a moment’ for Dan. This time was no different.  The younger boy looked at Phil, tears welling in his eyes and his fists clenched and shaking. _

_ “C'mere.” Phil whispered and put his laptop down, opening his arms. Dan listened, walking slowly over to Phil and inserting himself into his arms. They sat silent for a while, well, silent beside Dan’s soft sobbing into Phil’s shoulder. _

_ “Phil… I need to talk to you…” Dan whispered shakily as he looked up at his boyfriend, the love of his life. _

_ “What is it? You can tell me anything.” Phil assured, running a gentle hand through Dan’s natural, curly hair. _

_ “I…” Dan paused to think, positioning himself to sit up, sniffling. “I’ve been thinking. Hear me out… I think this needs to end. Not the arguing. Everything. Phil, you deserve better. You deserve more than an emotional, angry, annoying and upset boyfriend. You could be with someone way better. I’m sorry… I’m leaving.” He rambled, crying more now. _

_ Phil moved away, mouth opened like he was going to speak, but he couldn’t find the words. Dan took the silence as a ‘get out’ rather than shock and stood up, walking to the door. Just as he reached the door, Phil spoke up. _

_ “Dan… Are you sure about this? Where are you going to go?” Phil whispered, shaking his head in dismissal. “Doesn’t matter… Please, if you are 100% sure, make sure you message me when you have a place to stay that’s safe.” He murmured. _

_ He walked up to Dan and hugged him tightly for what he didn’t realise would be the last time.. “I’m always going to love you. I understand your decision. I’m sorry.” He said before kissing Dan’s forehead. _

_ Dan looked up at him sadly. They were both softly crying now, tears streaming down their cheeks. “I love you, I’m sorry for what I’ve done, what I’ve ruined.” He whispered before going to his room and grabbing the bag he already packed. Then, after one more solemn glance, Dan left. _

 

Dan was still full of regret and sadness. It was now 2018. He worked as a barista in the small little town he grew up in, Wokingham. All his social medias were deactivated and there was practically tumbleweed on his YouTube channel. Remember how Phil told Dan to message him? He never did.

 

From time to time, Dan would look through old photos and reminisce on what once was. He’d never gotten over Phil. How could he? Phil was the first person to walk into Dan’s life and stay because he truly loved him, truly cared. But Dan threw that away due to paranoia and anger.

The good times were thoroughly remembered though. He could never forget them.

 

_ They sat curled up on the sofa playing Mario Kart, Dans back rested against the arm of the sofa with his legs slung over Phil’s lap. Their laughs and giggles were heard clearly. They were genuine. _

_ “Not again!” Phil whined as a game came to a close, presenting Dan as the clear winner. _

_ “Ha! I win! I always win!” Dan cheered triumphantly. Phil laughed and shook his head, he placed his controller down and looked over at Dan before lunging over and quickly tickling the boys sides. Dan squealed in return and giggled relentlessly, trying to wriggle away from Phil’s hands. _

_ “Stop!” _

_ “Never!” _

 

Everything would remind Dan of Phil. Even the small things. At work he’d see young couples sat opposite each other in the cafe by the windows, smiling to one another and he couldn’t help but remember the times he and Phil would sit in Starbucks, drinking caramel macchiatos and talking to one another pleasantly.

 

_ “Hey that’s mine!” Dan called, whiny but quiet as he didn’t want to disturb other customers. Phil was taking a sip of Dan’s Macchiato as Dan was whining at him. _

_ “I wanted to try yours! Calm down.” Phil chuckled slyly and sipped his own after that. _

_ “They’re the exact same drinks Phil, we order identical drinks!” Dan shook his head fondly. _

_ Phil poked Dan. “Shush whatever.” He smiled. “Let me live!” _

 

Phil wasn’t over Dan either, his heart still, to this day, ached for the nerdy, sarcastic, loveable boy he fell in love with almost nine years ago. Though he now lived in another apartment, he still had all their old furniture. There was a box dedicated to all of their memories. Photos, souvenirs, stuffed animals and all the sorts from their years together sat in that box.

YouTube was still a full time job for Phil. Over the years he’d developed a new audience and gained a lot of subscribers. Though there were new people, Dan’s name was still an occasional mention in Phil’s videos, mostly because neither of them ever clarified what happened. It just ended.

 

The date was October 19th, 2018. Something took Phil to Wokingham that day. He didn’t even know why. He didn’t even know Dan was there. Maybe it was for old times sake, the one time he actually spent time in Wokingham with Dan was a rollercoaster. 

He remembered it all vividly. Dan’s parents were passive aggressive, upset that his eighteen year old son was with a twenty two year old. Dan was finishing exams so he was stressed. But, it was one of their most loving times because they had so much to make up for. October 19th wasn’t the date they met in Wokingham, but Phil felt a need to go back. So he did.

He got up early that morning and caught a train into the small town. It wasn’t a long ride, only  2 hours. He arrived at 11 and wandered into the town. Though it changed, it wasn’t a big change. The town was too small for a big change anyway.

 

After a while, it reached 12 o’clock. A little cafe on the corner of a block sparked an interest in him. He walked inside and smiled at the smell of coffee and pastries. He looked at the menu for a while before deciding what he wanted. It was quiet, so there was no queue. When he got to the till to make his order, he looked at the barista.

No.

Surely not.

“Dan..”

 

Dan’s eyes widened, his chest became tight.

 

“Phil…”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback here or on my tumblr @ineffabledaniel !!  
> There is no second part, suffer the cliffhanger heheheh


End file.
